Dear Summer Vacation,
You suck.
Seriously, I hate you. I am on the edge of losing my shit and it is entirely your fault. Because of you, my children are home with me every day, all day, without a break. They’re bored, they’re cranky, they’re dehydrated and heat exhausted, they’re off schedule, their therapists keep going on vacation, and they consume their weight in Popsicles on a daily basis. I’m not kidding – I could build a small fort out of all the Popsicle sticks that have been dropped on my floors. To call you a “vacation” is a painful misnomer, Summer, because keeping up with you is nothing but work. Work and heartache.
Oh sure, I try to outsmart you. The garden hose has been running consecutively for the last fifty-seven days. I shuffle my little monsters to the park, the zoo, the beach, and the homes of unsuspecting friends in an effort to keep them entertained, but it’s never enough, is it? Nope. You just come back the next day with another big gaping hole of nothing-to-do that I have to fill up somehow. Because of your insatiable demands, my bills remain unpaid, my cupboards are bare, and the message light has been blinking on my answering machine for three days. My floor is so sticky that I recently lost a sock. A sock, damn you!
And the worst part is that you just won’t die! You are the endless summer from hell that will not fade away. Those lucky bastards in California are already back in school, but you just linger and hang on like an infection that won’t heal. We won’t get any relief from you for almost two more weeks, and you know damn well that the weak ones won’t make it that far, you sadistic jackass.
But you know what, Summer Vacation – screw you. You know what I did last night? I went to GAP, and do you know what I bought? SWEATERS! That’s right, on a 90 degree day I took my sunburned butt to the mall to buy sweaters, because you can’t last forever. I’m done with you. I quit you! You can’t keep kicking my ass forever. School WILL start again, and you will fade into a distant memory where you belong.
So in conclusion: Bite me, Summer Vacation! You have outworn your welcome and your days are numbered!
(Twelve days, to be exact. God, I hope I can make it.)
Uncordially yours (because I really, really despise you),
Lisa
screem515 said:
I work year round & summer vacation doesn’t exist for me ever really. I work half my hours from home though & my kid’s not in school yet. I really hated those too hot & mosquito-infested days of last summer. I also hated the too much heavy snow w/ serious wind from the previous winter – and this past autumn & winter’s too much rain & wind. Every freakin season but Spring we go through cabin fever – we just need to go outside, dammit!
acb said:
hmm . . . don’t they have year round school in Oregon? . . . or maybe Intel should have a father-children career month . . . of course, you could send them to some unsuspecting friend’s place and tell them they are going to ‘camp’ or ‘intensive therapy’ for 6 weeks . . .
the other option would be to take a few lovers and let the kids spend time at “dad’s” place on a revolving schedule . . . 1wk in 4 is manageable . . .
be creative . . . ’cause at the end of the day, it’s that or despair . . . 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
Erica said:
Yes, Lisa, you really should take a few lovers.
Lisa said:
That may be the best idea for affordable day care that I’ve ever heard.
Erica said:
And Bananarama thought THEY had a cruel summer!
lifeinthefurlane said:
Thanks for the reinforced gratitude that my kid’s preschool is year round. I might just lobby for her to stay there through college…
Donna Lombardo said:
Yes, the last few weeks of August are HELL at my house. My darling son gets EXTREMELY difficult to handle–especially at night. Lets see, 12 more days and counting!
Cheryl said:
One of those unread messages was an unsuspecting friend offering to take your kids for a few hours so that you get a much needed break. Too bad you didnt hear it in time 🙂
Belinda said:
I am a big fan of lobbying for a shorter summer break for ALL kids. There is scientific proof that ALL kids regress over summer leading to less educated kids in September because of it. There should be a meet and greet with the next years teacher with material to work on during the summer and don’t get met started on the respite that should be mandatory for families of children with special needs and not just for a couple hours but don’t even get me started…. Thanks for the post Lisa. 🙂 You got me started. tee hee…